Money is changing hands

Cordelia got in trouble today. Big trouble. It seems as if she thinks it's OK to throw things and break things when she's mad. She got set in the corner, and proceeded to call me all the names she hears the older kids say. I then put her in her room and told her I would talk to her once she had picked up her room and put away her laundry. When I walked away, she was screaming like someone was killing her.

A little while later, I notice the quiet. A little while after that, I see her come up with Kalina. Cordelia tells me she did her jobs and apologized. During lunch, Acacia tells me the reason Cordelia quieted down and did her work was because KALINA PAID HER OFF! Kalina was sick of the screaming and gave Cordelia $1 to stop crying and pick up.

One dollar isn't much money, but it's the principle of the matter. I made Cordelia give back the money and told Kalina she could pay Cordelia to do extra work, but not the basic jobs that I make them do.

I do think Kalina needs to find a good paying job if this is the way she's going to get her kids to quiet down during a temper tantrum!

RETRACTION

Any and all comments I have ever made in support of the pediatric dentist, Dr. Kurt A. Aarons whose office is located on Belleview in Kansas City, MO, are hereby retracted. I received a surprising letter from his office.

I would like to share part of this letter with you. I was shocked to read,"Due to differing treatment philosophies, we feel that you would be more comfortable in an office that shares your same views and beliefs. We have cancelled Cordelia's appointment on December 17, 2007." I received this letter after business hours on Thursday, December 13.

So, this is what I believe. I guess I'm not sure what beliefs Dr. Aarons' office holds if he feels I need to go somewhere else to find someone who shares my beliefs. I believe that all children should be treated with respect. I believe that patients, parents and the healthcare provider should work together to decide what course of treatment is in the best interest of the child. I believe that a parent is the final decision maker of what is best for the child. I believe that it is best to discuss differences of opinion with all parties and not act on one persons experience and that which is overheard by another. I believe that a parent can be the best asset a healthcare professional, including dentists, can have in a room to reassure the child that everything is OK.

I understand that there comes a time when children are ready and able to go into the back with the dental staff alone. I also understand that the dental office is probably good at dentistry. I have no expertise in this area, hence the reason my children see a dentist. What I want is a dentist's office that understands that I have expertise as well. My area of expertise is my children. I know what they are capable of more so than any dentist. I work with them prior to any and all visits to the doctor, dentist, and any other situation that is out of the norm so they understand what will happen. When I am caught in a situation where I am not able to prepare a child, I will be by that child every step of the way.

For those of you who don't know me very well, I have been through several dentist visits with several children. About age 5, all the kids were able to say they could do it themselves when asked. Cordelia is 3.

The letter makes it sound as if they are doing me a favor instead of firing us as patients. I would like it put on the record that I was not contacted by the dentist or anyone else in the office to discuss this decision. My understanding is that my conversation with the office manager was overheard by another staff member and the dentist discussed it with them only. I was told this morning that the office manager told the dentist both sides of the story. However, I have yet to comprehend how both sides of the story are presented when only one side is present.

Please feel free to forward this post in it's entirety if you feel it will help parents make choices and formulate questions for their dentist or other healthcare professional. We all need support from others that know this one simple truth. We are all experts in our own children.

Ethics in Action: The Courage to Stand Up

A friend sent me the following to help me gain a little perspective.

Ethics in Action: The Courage to Stand Up

(by Mark S. Putnam)

Standing up for your ethical principles takes courage. Courage is the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty, or pain without being overcome by fear. When you see something happening that just doesn't seem right do you have the courage to stand-up and do something? What are you afraid of? Retribution, disapproval, your image, damaged relationships, or simply the unknown? Courage is about setting aside your fear and taking action for the good of yourself or someone else.

The principle of standing up to protect someone's rights as well as basic principles of honesty, moral virtue, and ethical behavior is a noble cause. We need to have a sense of moral justice in our approach to unethical behavior so it disturbs something deep within our character when we see it.. But simply being offended by wrongdoing is not enough. Courage comes in confronting those feelings inside and taking action.

A courageous person is that one individual in a crowd of onlookers who actually steps out and does something. A young man named Kristopher Kime who was beaten to death while trying to rescue a woman during the Seattle Mardi Gras riots showed enormous courage. He probably had the same feelings of fear, shock, hesitation, and anger that you would experience in the midst of a street riot. But he did something extremely courageous by stepping out from the stunned crowd to save an innocent life. When you stand up for principles of goodness and virtue it may feel like a mob attack.

Human nature tells us that if nothing is ever said or done about bad behavior it will continue or get worse. Allowing things to "slide" will eventually take everything else for the same ride. Ethics without the component of courage to stand-up for it keeps it in the realm of heady philosophy and out of reality.

So, what does courage look like on a daily basis? There are no crowds of onlookers or T.V. cameras to record your courage or pass judgment. It's usually just you and maybe a few others, face-to-face or on the other end of the phone. The first level of action is your initial reaction. Questioning what sounds wrong. Suggesting alternatives. This is a courageous, ethical reflex. In order for this quick response to become a natural reflex, you need to be prepared in your mind and character and be ready for a response.

The second level is to approach the person with whom you have a problem. This is NOT easy. Most of us don't naturally confront people. To most of us, the courage to actually go up and talk face-to-face takes a superhuman Kristopher Kime level of courage. Your voice trembles, stomach hurts, beads of sweat roll down your face. It certainly FEELS like a life or death struggle. But remember, courage is about facing difficulty without being overcome by fear.

The third level of action is to find help. Especially when someone else's rights or property are at play you need to take things to the next level. Rather than think of yourself as a "tattle-tale," consider yourself a courageous "change-agent for good." Again, this is not easy. Be ready. Having someone fight your battle for you may be harder than fighting it yourself. You still have to face your coworkers AND you lose most (or all) control over the path to a solution.

Principles of decency, integrity and what is good and right are not to be treaded upon lightly. Ethics is more than just following a set of rules, it is a part of our deeply-held belief system that makes-up the core of our character. It is worth protecting. It is worth stepping out in courage and making personal sacrifices.

Whether you think you share the courageous qualities of a hero or not…rest assured that you do.