I have been asked many times what I do. I've answered jokingly that I am a breeder as I have had several children. I know that in today's world it is typical for both parents to work and the children go to day care. I understand that living on one income has us making financial choices about what is and is not important to us. I like the way we live and cannot imagine working full time and still being able to do the things during the day and night that my children need and want me to do. Our life choices have made it possible for us to have everything we need and most everything we truly want.
For example, I wanted a front load washing machine. It took me years to save for it, but we gave it to ourselves for our 10th anniversary a few years ago. When we hooked up the machine, the kids laid on the floor and watched the clothes go round and round. It was something special and we didn't take it for granted. I still think about how grateful I am that we have it every time I wash a load of clothes.
Lately, I have been asked if we have several children because Odin made me. I've also been asked if Odin makes me stay home. Is he ok with women working outside the home? Why don't I finish school and get a job? Unfortunately, those who read this probably don't have these same questions, but let me set a few things straight.
Odin and I chose to have a large family. We always joked about having 6 children. We just never thought we would actually have 6 until we did. I wouldn't trade a single one of them even on our worst days. Odin does not make me stay home. In fact, I think he would love for me to go back to work as soon as possible. The problem is that I do so much with the house and kids during the day. I just don't know who would pick up the slack! Who's job would be more important if there are sick kids, problems at school, etc? I don't want to finish school right now because of time and money. Why spend money on a degree that I am not planning on using anytime soon? Why not wait and see what types of jobs are available and interesting and train for those instead?
So, does Odin think women shouldn't work? NO. I really don't think he cares what your gender is as long as you get the job done. Until recently, he has always seemed to land jobs where he is one of the few male employees. When we lived in Rockford, he was the ONLY male employee.
That's what Odin thinks. Here's what I think. Men and women are different. If you can prove me wrong, please do so. Women have babies. Men can't. Women are designed biologically to provide not only comfort and care, but 100% of the nourishment a baby needs for at least the first 6 months of life. My job was and is to care for the children I brought into the world. I still have two at home all day with me. I still have older children who need me when they get off the bus. Who, but me, will give them the love, attention, and guidance that only I can give? Should I pay someone else to raise my children when I can do it better? I not only love my children, but I really like them, too. I want to be home with them. I want to volunteer in the community and at church while not do it by taking away the few hours I have with my kids after school.
I am a bit defensive, but I'm shocked that there are people who look down on the choice we made almost 14 years ago for me to raise the children while Odin works outside of the home. If you truly want to know what I do, keep my schedule for a few days. Follow me around if you think you can keep up. Take note of all I do. I'd keep track of it all myself, but I'm too busy with more important things like raising my children.
3 comments:
I'm a stay at home mom with five kids. I'm with you- I have gotten comments like "there are way to prevent that (having babies) you know" to "what do you do all day". HA!
Like you, I chose to have a big family and chose to stay home. I used cloth diapers (how do you find the time?) as you know, when you are already doing 8+ loads a week it isn't really a big deal.
I finished college four years ago, when I was 50. I was ready then and had the time and money.
I only have two at home now. And here I am taking care of my nephew's two little girls while he and his wife work. The girls are getting to be stay at home kids, I am getting to do all the fun (and not fun) stuff I did when my kids were small. Their mom had a lot of material "stuff", but she misses out on so much.
I could go on and on and on...
I completely understand where you are coming from. I believe that the majority of the time a kid should spend with one of their parents.
However, I do disagree with you on who that parent should be. I'm a mom and a full-time software engineer. My husband is a stay at home dad. He has the patience to stay up all night with colicky babies, has unlimited hugs to give out and will play "save the wonder pets" with the action figures our two year old for hours on end.
He bakes cookies, works on letters and numbers, shapes, letters and opposites. He's the main contact for the Parents as Teachers in Warrensburg. (I will admit his house cleaning skills need improvement but nobody's perfect. And he's getting better every day.)
Yes, I have the equipment biologically, but I pump at work and he feeds at home. Yes, I dearly miss the time I don't get with my kids, but here's the cold hard facts. I'm good at my job. I make over three times what he could make right now and I have the patience to put up with Corporate America. He doesn't.
I know that we are in a minority, and that for most couples the man working and the woman taking care of the home front is what makes sense. But the simple facts are that it doesn't work for us. (We did try...) He has a part-time job he works 1 night a week and our daughter spend the two hours between when he leaves for work and when I get home from work with my sister.
The categorization of men vs women is a general statement. And there is a lot of truth in the generalization, but like all things especially in nature, there are exceptions. My husband and I are one of those exceptions. He does things with patience I can't muster, he has more hugs to give out than I do and he encourages his daughters with respect to learning and love.
He's as close to perfect homemaker as you can get.
I think you missed the point. I never said that women should stay home. I said that women are designed biologically to provide not only comfort and care, but 100% of the nourishment a baby needs for at least the first 6 months of life. This was to show how men and women are different.
Maybe without realizing it, you proved my point. You and your husband are different and you have made a choice that works well for your family.
I really don't care if a family has one or two incomes. However, I am very sensitive when someone says that my husband is sexist and about people who think that stay at home parents are less than because they don't work for pay. We are intelligent, valuable individuals who are raising the next generation of leaders. Stay at home parents don't get days off, vacation time, or get to switch gears after they put in their 8 hours. We are on call 24/7, 365 days a year. Even if we have a sitter for a few hours, we can be called any time for any reason and are expected ot come running.
Mom or Dad, male or female - it doesn't matter. If you chose to live on one income and stay home with the kids, your schedule is insane!
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